forgiveness and answered prayer

Halfway through our time in Honduras, the team leader of Treasure Seekers, my team, left to go back to the States. So, I was asked to step into the role. Our first group time together, I became aware that the decision to place me in the position was not backed by my team. Fortunately, the Lord gave me peace in that moment, as earlier in the week He had helped me realize more of my value and worth. My identity is unchanging regardless of the words, actions, or thoughts of others.

I know, still easier to say than live out.

Entering into month three: Costa Rica. It was our first month alone, as a team, and we struggled to unify, to open up with one another, and share our hurts. Abby, one of our squad leaders, was with us for the month. One group time, she shared about love, and with that came forgiveness. One question that each of us were to answer, on our own, was: “Is there a need for forgiveness, whether asking or giving?”

I immediately began writing out things that I needed to forgive others for, knowing that I had been hurt through silence, through cutting words, and through indifference. In that moment, my heart could not consider what I needed to ask forgiveness for, “Hadn’t I given my team everything,” I thought. Fortunately, the Lord placed Abby in the midst of it to encourage me. She knowingly waited as the team left, sensing that I probably needed to talk.

After the room cleared, I voiced my hurt, my frustration, and the tears flowed. We went on an ice cream run, and Abby listened, but also challenged me as I shared about something that I had already apologized for, but honestly felt like was something that was still causing hurt. I bucked against asking for forgiveness believing that the thing I was accused of wasn’t even true. She was direct with me and said, “Asking forgiveness can be powerful, even if you have already apologized because it puts the ball in the other person’s court. It requires a response. A choice.”

In the past, I had learned the hard way how denying someone else forgiveness created bitterness within. But now, I realized how not asking forgiveness of someone else when they are experiencing hurt because of you, whether intended or not, could limit love.

After a night to rest on it, I woke up and prayed for an opportunity to ask forgiveness from one of my teammates who had experienced hurt from me. The Lord provided right away, and we ended up in the kitchen together, alone. The conversation exceeded my wildest imaginings. Not only did she forgive me, but the conversation turned to encouragement. Each of us toward the other. She told me that she was proud of me! That she enjoyed watching me as a leader. Telling me that she had seen me press in, and not give up or quit. Even with words and actions being received from the team that she knew had likely hurt me. She said that it meant a lot seeing me persevere.

That conversation was an answered prayer, a glimpse into the power of forgiveness, and another reason to praise God! Without Him, I would not have had the strength to persevere, the love within me to care for my team, and the desire to ask for forgiveness. A door was opened that day. Opened wide!

I encourage you, whether you need to forgive someone or ask forgiveness, that you allow the Lord to give you strength and change your heart toward that person. The truth is, if we desire a reason to hate someone and withhold love/forgiveness, we will find it. Sometimes, it only hurts us, but often times it is hurting us both. Beyond the physical realm, evil lurks, desiring to keep us turned inward and focused on ourselves. Then, we will lack power, community, and compounded authority gained from the unity of the body of Christ.

In the end, when we give of ourselves, we end up gaining so much more!

“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” -Ephesians 6:12

“But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” – Matthew 5:44-48

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” -John 13:34-35

Sunset on the railroad tracks in San Jose

Group time at Starbucks