“Count it all joy, my brothers when you face trials of many kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” – James 1:2-5
James has always been that book of the bible that hits to the core, reminding me that my heart still has room to grow. As it should, because we are all constantly learning, being pruned, being taught, experiencing, and creating new pathways of completing tasks or interacting with others. Remaining the same for us is equivalent to a pool of stagnant water, foul smelling and displeasing to the eye. We have been created for more! To flourish as we abide in the Lord, and lean into Him through every victory and every trial. This first week has been a difficult one in Albania.
Don’t get me wrong, there is a feeling of home here as I meet people and experience the small mountain town of Polican, but there has also been a learning curve for me physically, emotionally, and spiritually that feels like the warped wall in American Ninja Warrior. Like somehow I forgot to prepare the right skill set to get to the top. I’m not functioning at peak levels, and it’s difficult to find the right path to move forward.
My new team has been a blessing as we forge ahead together, finding ways to communicate well and care for one another. The other day, I finally spoke out, “I don’t want to be here.” It hurt and released heaviness, all at the same time. That feeling … and those words were something that I never wanted to reach. This experience and opportunity is something that I have prayed for and had the Lord place on my heart years ago. How could I say, “I don’t want to be here.”? Surprisingly, I was met by some similar sentiments, from my team, and a weight lifted from my shoulders – as I recognized that my feelings were valid and that they didn’t have to dictate my actions.
Relationships have been one of the most stressful parts of the Race for me, thus far. Coming from within, instead of outside, the walls of ministry and community. I was surprised the last four months, as my team wrestled with one another, and now as I experience relational struggles within ministry. Both of which, I never thought would be the trials that caused me the deepest hurts and pains. What I have learned from the past four months, is that from those valleys, the Lord remains faithful, and will refine, and will provide. My heart is ready soil for the planting, if I allow it to be. But it’s always my choice to be ready or to put up walls, keeping the Gardener out.
As we continue our time in Albania, please pray for:
- Thanksgiving to be on my lips continuously
- Prayer to be where I run
- Rest and endurance
- A heart to serve our ministry host well
- Ability to remain present
- Resistance of laziness or apathy
- City of Polican: depression, apathy, drugs
- Our team would be a extension of the Lord’s light and peace
- Grace with myself
- Willingness to allow the Lord to work in me
“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” -Matthew 5:14-16
